A promise long overdue...

More than a year ago, I was inspired to finally recognize and thank one of the two most important people to my life, my dad. (if you're not familiar with the back trails of my twisted meanderings, you can find that post here http://ponderingses.blogspot.com/2005/08/longest-day-ever.html). At the time, I fully intended to very shortly make a similar tribute to the OTHER most important person to my life, my mom. Those of you who've been with us since the beginning will know that that intention was never carried out, never reached fruition.

Now it just so happens that I came across this entry again a few days ago, and gave some serious thought to why exactlyI hadn't follwed through. It wasn't that there was a lack of instances where my mother supported me in a way that was remarkable. I'd love to say that the problem was that there were TOO MANY such instances, and I just couldn't think of one to focus on, and that would be true, as far as it goes. But the truth of the matter is that my tribute to Dad was simply a spur of the moment thing, something I thought of while I was typing, tired out of my mind, and trying to get out a coherent post that meant something. I hadn't put any thought into it (the post, not the sentiment), and so it came out with a kind of heartfelt sincerity that I found hard to duplicate. A lot of the time, the undertone in my rambling writings is one of "Hey, look at me, I know big words!!" rather than one that can be taken seriously. And for the next few weeks, whenever I tried to come up with a suitable tribute, I always felt it rang somehow hollow. At least, that's what I think I remember, it WAS a year and a half ago.

But at last, here it is. A suitable tribute to a woman who sacrificed more happiness, and worked longer hours, and suffered too many heartbreaks to never hear(or at least read) from her only son that he FINALLY understands, and is totally appreciative of all the things she did for him, all the times she stood between him and danger like a mother wolf, all those meals she slaved away over just to hear him complain that he didn't like tomatoes, and so she was forced to make him sit in the kitchen, loudly complaining that he wouldn't do it, just so he'd eat the food she'd so lovingly prepared.

Mom? I love you. Never for a moment doubt it. I can't wait to move back home where you can nag and pester me about anything you like, in person, and I wouldn't trade that for all the gold in all the kingdoms in all the world. You are the single greatest embodiment of the spirit of love I have ever known, and I KNOW, despite the jokes (you make, not me) that you'll be around to keep me on my toes for the next 40 years, if I have to drag you kicking and screaming with me.

Never change.

Brian

P.S. It would figure that the night I finally get around to writing this, my internet connection goes right down the tubes ('cause that's what the internet's made of, don't you know), and I have to wait to post this until I have a durned internet connection again. I think it's the cold. I'm really starting to get sick of this Edmonton weather, I think. My feet haven't been warm in a week 8( I'm finishing this at 2:26 in the morning, on Monday, March 19, 2007, I guess we'll see when it gets posted...

To move, or NOT to move, that is the question...

Well, it's certainly been a long time since I've posted anything here. So long, in fact, that I didn't even remember what my password was for this site, and then it turned out I needed to "upgrade my account so that I can now access blogger through google. All that complication just so I can spread my idiotic concerns all over the internet (well, my corner of it, anyway...)

I wanna go home. I can't explain how much I long to be able to see the ocean whenever I feel like it, or go visit my parents whenever, or see one of my oldest friends and just hang with him with no concern as to when the next time I'll see him will be. The only problem is this: I have a life here.
I have friends, in fact, my best friend in the whole world, and maybe ever, I met here. He lives here. Most of my major life experiences happened here, both good and bad. But the weather here sucks for about 65% of the damn year, whereas back home it's pretty nice most of the time. But this place has BEEN home to me for almost 1/5 my entire life, I know this city fairly well now, and I like the person I've become here, for the most part. I like the people I know here.
I guess what I'm trying to say is that I'm conflicted. I miss all the familiar sights, sounds, and people back home, but I think if I were to leave here I'd miss the people HERE just as much. I can't decide whether I'm willing to sacrifice all this for the chance to go home, finally. And I don't really have that long to decide. I'm leaning heavily toward moving back to Victoria, giving it some serious weight, but nights like tonight, when I hang out with Mitch, I wonder if that's the right choice. Will I really be any better off there than I am here? What if I'm worse off?

I hate "what if"s.

G'night.