And that's the end of that...

What a crappy vacation. I didn't do anything cool, except not go to work, and now it's over, and that totally sucks. I don't wanna go back to work. I want a new job. ONE new job, that pays me a little more than I need to live, and doesn't involve running all over the city to get to, and will challenge me, and won't have me getting slapped down all the time for every tiny thing that could possibly be viewed as a mistake. Hmmm, I guess this is pity-entry time. Every blog's gotta have one, right? And the good ones have a recurring one.

I didn't accomplish anything except finding out that I'm dis-satisfied with both my jobs on this vacation. Why am I dis-satisfied? I have a few theories, but I don't really know. I do know that I've been looking at help wanted posters in the area with increasing interest over the past month, and that would seem to me to mean that I'm sub-consciously looking for a new job. Which is stupid, because I HATE that new job thing, where you're the new guy for the first month, at least, and no one hangs out with you, or even talks to you, and you have to go through all the training and all that stupid stuff. But I don't think I can keep doing the 2 jobs I'm doing now, especially if I'm looking at help wanted ads NOW. This sucks :(

In other news: 1}The roomate that's allergic to cats moved out, so I'm back on the prowl (pun FULLY intended) for a kitten.
2}I have a new phone, a land line, a digital phone, and I can call anywhere in North America and it's like a local call (Cool, huh?).
3}The girl who was staying next door, who I've been sorta seeing (nobody get excited) goes home in 2 weeks. She's crazy, and a little creepy, but SOOOOOOO hot, and I can't decide if I'll miss her or not. (Not cool, I know, but I have to be honest with my readers, right?)
4}And last, but certainly not least... ok, I've forgoten what 4 was, but when I rememb- Wait, I remember! I chatted with my Dad tonight, and he'd gone out to a bar, and drunk REAL ALCOHOL! Scandalous! (How's my valley girl impression?)
5}(Ok, I lied about 4 being the last thing) I miss my family. I miss being home I miss a lot of things, but I've built a make-shift life here, and now I'm torn about whether I want to move back, or whether I really like living here...

Well, that about does it for me. Time to make a wish: X mxhw X uxcs pc plthdbt zxiitc, pcs p ctl ydq iwpi gdrzh bn hdrzh duu! I made my wish in gibberish! Or did I?

G'night!

Humph...

Well, here I am on vacation: all dressed up, and nowhere to go. The original plan, which was for Mitch and I to drive down, has fallen through, through no fault of myself or Mitch. He just didn't feel up to two 12- hour drives this weekend, which is something I can understand. Don't get me wrong, I'm disappointed, but I understand the reasoning, and I obviously don't want to do anything that would jeapordize his health. He felt really bad though, and insisted that I let everyone know that he apologizes. He really does want to meet my family (again, for Renee and Nicole).

BUT, in the good news category, we're going to try this again sometime in September, so I have not given up hope. I will go home sometime this year, and I hope to be able to go home for christmas, which I haven't been able to do since... well, ever!

All in all, this weekend is going to be a total let-down. No trip home, no seeing my Mom, Dad, or sisters, no nothing. :'(

Wow, it's been awhile...

As it turns out, not a whole hell of a lot of exciting stuff happens to me on a daily basis, and it takes a lot of effort to get introspective enough to write one of my "deep" entries. So, I guess what I'm trying to explain is why there haven't been any entries in this blog for awhile. Nothing to write about.

Today's entry is pretty much only here to provide this amusing anecdote, and then I'm going to catch up on some of the sleep I desperately need, but can't ever seem to get...

I haven't checked my schedule at the restaurant in about 3 weeks. I figured if I couldn't remember when all 4 of my shifts were, it was my own damn fault. So, you can imagine how surprised I was today when, after showing up at work, on time (4 o'clock), and having worked for half an hour, I re-checked the schedule to find that I did not work today at all. In fact, I'm officially on managerial vacation until about halfway through the first week of September. I have a split serving shift on Sunday, but other than that, I don't work at the restaurant again for 2 weeks. Oops.

Other than that, I don't have a lot to report. Work (at the office) has become really, really, really, really boring. I don't seem to have to do much besides answer phones, and handle the odd customer issue. Actually, it's not much different from restaurant work, in essence, it's just that I spend the whole day by myself, which is boring. They say Man is a social animal, and I, for one, am slightly more social than most, so you can understand my predicament. Also, I'm starting to realize that I have absolutely no interest in the mat business. None. At all. So, while I enjoy the customer relations part of it, doing the secreterial work is redundant and (I know there's a word for under my abilities, but I can't think of it, so I'm going to let you provide it yourself).

Ok, no more whining and bitching. I have vacation time coming, and I get to go home, and visit my parents & sisters! I absolutely can't wait, I'm looking forward to it so much, and the fact that I'm driving down with one of my best friends in the whole world makes it even better. Dad, I know you're reading this, and I'm warning you right now that you, Mitch, and I are all going to have to go out and have a few drinks while I'm home. I'm sure you'll like Mitch, he's a great guy. Oooo, I just can't wait to be home!

Well, that about wraps things up, so...

G'night!

Ok...

Last night's entry was long and thought provoking, but true to my word, i deliberately didn't do a whole hell of a lot today, so there isn't much to write about. I got some work done on my play, and it's shaping up to be very good. (fingers crossed, knock on wood, etc, etc.) Other than that, I did nothing, and loved it! Talk to you tomorrow!

G'night!

Warning!!!!

I meant to include a warning/apology in my last post. There is some coarse language, and some vulgarity in the post, so if you're offended by that, please don't read it!

Well, I promised...

...so here goes.

Philosophical and weird, huh? What could I possibly go on about that might catch a modicum of someone's interest for longer than 5 seconds? Actually, I have an idea...

I have recently been having the problem that several people in my life, both friends and aquaintances/co-workers, have been approaching me with problems in their lives. Now, ordinarily I have no problem with this, since I've been told that I'm a great listener. But recently, I've been questioning the direction my life seems to be headed, and whether that's where I want to go, so I'm not exactly full of good cheer and helpful smiles. I've been putting on a brave face and trying to help as much as I can, but I can feel my mind caving in under the enormous amout of pressure I've put on myself. And I'm fully aware that all that pressure is self-imposed. Nobody expects me to solve their problems, or even necessarily give helpful advice, and I'm also aware that most people like to use me as a sounding board, because, again, I tend to listen without interrupting really well.

Now, while there are several things which currently bother me, the chief among them is this: For years, I thought that the "grown-ups" had it easy, that they had all the answers, and that they could do whatever they liked, and, of course, that pre-conception was shattered fairly quickly once I joined the "real world". But now I wonder about all those people I've thought had it all together, who've listened to all my bullshit, and never once told me what a complete asshole I was, or how petty and stupid my problems were. I wonder if they were going through all the same shit I am, and whether I received succor to the detriment of the giver. (I'm not sure that sentence is proper english, but I like the vocab, so I'm leaving it.) Because sometimes that's what it feels like. Like I'm giving everyone who asks a little piece of myself, until at the end of the day, when I can really sit down and take a look at my problems, I've got nothing left to give.

I do not want to become that person that you feel you can't talk to. I'm proud that even people I don't know that well, or haven't known for that long, feel like they can talk to me about the things that are bothering them. I think that's one of the few things that makes me a valuable, rather than simply contributing, member of society. But I don't know how long I can keep this up. I have a 4 day weekend, starting today, and I'm limiting the contact I have with others, I suppose for my own sanity, and through a sense of self preservation. Hopefully, this will give me the time I need to get my shit sorted out, and stowed away, or at least given a preliminary hearing in the court of my mind, so that perhaps I can tough through this rough patch without going completely wonky.

On the bright side, I'm finally getting started on the play I've been meaning to right for 2 years now, and hopefully, it'll show during the Fringe Festival this time next year. I'm hoping to write, star, produce, and maybe co-direct, although I don't know how comfortable I am with trying to direct myself. Also, my comic book is moving right along, and the owner of Happy Harbor Comics has expressed a smidgen (heh heh) of interest in perhaps publishing it. Soon, I should get to see the first 3 pages, and hopefully they will be glorious. Well, a man can dream, can't he? On that note, I bid you all a fond...

Adieu!

Ooops! That should be...

G'night!

C'mon everybody cause here we go!

And now for sothing completely different.

I'm in a weird sort of mood today. I did very little at work today, not because I slacked off, but because there just really isn't that much left for me to do. It seems I've entered that "learning the ropes" period which I hate so much, where I'm left to my own devices with little to no idea what I should be doing, and then I'm eveluated based on whether I sink or swim. I guess I'll figure it out eventually, but in the meantime...

On another front, the next two days may go entry-less. I'm warning you, because I work straight through from 9-4, then whenever_I_get_to_the_restaurant-close(11:45 or so). Extremely long days, with very little chance for sleep in between, and if previous experience is any indication, I'm gonna want all the sleep I can get.

Other than that, there's not a whole lot new in the world of Brian. I bought a new video-game, and am still managing to save a hundred bucks to add to my vacation funds. I go on vacation the last week of August, which I'm looking forward to with great abandon, and that about wraps up this edition of Ponderingses. I promise, Thursday night, I'll get philosophical and weird, to make up for the possible lack of entries over the next 2 days. Until then...

G'night!

It was bound to happen....

Ok, so now I've officially misseed the first non-sunday day of my blog. It had to happen eventually, so I'm gald we got it out of the way early. Both yesterday and today were good days. I got paid yesterday, so no more days of privation. To celebrate, Mitch and I went to the buffet, and I gorged myself 'til I had trouble walking out of the place... Mmmm, just thinking about it makes me so happy! But anyway, that's why there was no entry yesterday: By the time I got home, all that food was just begging to be slept off, so that's what I did.

Today, on the other hand, was a day off, and so I spent it doing as much nothing as I could cram in. I did go out eventually(that only happens if you have good friends, who know that too much alone time isn't healthy for anyone), to Happy Harbor comics, so I could play boardgames w/ Colin, and his band of misfits, and finished the day off with a pizza, and a re-viewing of the movie Hitch. I love that movie, and really enjoyed it, again.

Tomorrow, I serve in the morning, and then I have the rest of the night off, so that'll be fun. A certain movie opened tonight, and I'm hoping to go to see it tomorrow, but I'm really just hoping to do something. Anyway, due to the stunning lack of excitement, I'll conclude a little shortly again, and bid you all my own personal fond adieu...

G'night!
(What'll I ever do if I post an entry during the day? GASP!)

Short one.

Ok, twice now I've written an entry, and twice it's disappeared. I give up, I need sleep...

G'night...

Oh, and I owe someone a little sumthin' sumthin'...

1)Probl'y the girl who could best understand me, if it weren't for the fact that we're trying to kill each other...subtly.
2)Mission Impossible (and if you ask me, I'll explain why)
3)Chocolate
4)Coco's a waaaaaaaayyyyy better nickname
5)The first time you explained to me in patient detail that I loved Renee better, and that you were ok with that, but you wanted to know why. That's never been true, by the way. I've always loved you just the same.
6) A proud lioness.
7)Why do I miss you sooooooo much?

At least I followed through, right?

Longest day ever...

Remind me again why I thought it would be a good idea to have 2 jobs? Today I got up at 7:15, got to work at 9, worked 'til 4, caught a ride to other work, clocked in @ 4:45, and worked 'til close. I'm bagged. And plus, that's my whole day!

Now, to deconstruct, going backwards. The restaurant was uber-slow tonight, our sales were pathetic, and nothing I did could seem to keep my labour cost from spiralling completely out of control... But I think my close was good. I tried hard, since I'm tired of being the management whipping boy, and am doing everything in my power to give them NOTHING to bitch at me about, anymore.

I was super proud today, when I ran my first field test of my database model, and it swamped the RAM so bad, the computer would only display black except for a little white box that said "Please make the hurting stop, nice man."Ok, it really said "Out of Memory", but I solved that problem by dividing the whole into smaller portions, which consequently use fewer resources. (Oh yeah, geek talk is making me so...EDITED FOR PG AUDIENCE(plus I think my Mom reads this)) So now... IT WORKS! Hallelujah, hallelujah...etc, etc, ad infinitum. Can someone make that angelic choir shut-up?

Thank you. Anyway, since I know my Dad is one of the maybe 4 (thousand) people who read this blog, I thought I'd say something straight to him, for all the world to see, instead of sending it in an e-mail. Remember when Youth Leading fell apart for me, Dad? I was talking about that the other day with a friend of mine, about how it was the most negative experience I can remember ever having, when it dawned on me that I never thanked you for being so supportive. and for not turning on me, when I was sure you would. I used to say that you kinda took a backseat during my childhood, but I think you were always there, I just never realized, and that day really showed me what I'd been missing out on for all those years, because I was so caught up in myself. I love you Dad, and I want to thank you for your part in making me the man I am today.

Now, a smart writer would finish there, because that was (if I do say so myself) a great finish. But I wanted to make sure to say that if other people who were instumental in my development (and you know who you are, although I'll only refer to your initials, Mom) are feeling a little left out, I have every intention of honoring you here too, but I happened to think of that just a couple of days ago, and wanted to get it out before I forgot. I love all of you, and you know what sometimes I thank God for? Unanswered prayers... I mean, my family! ^_^

And with that, I go with the ol' standby...

G'night!

I took a day off...

I have to admit that the chances of your ever finding an entry in my blog from a Sunday night are slim to none. Why, you may be asking yourself, your loved ones, perhaps even your family doctor? Because Sunday is kareoke night, which carries with it 2 connotations: 1) I'm going to be out very late. 2) I will have been drinking. Now I'm sure the thoughts I could manage to produce while inebriated would be very amusing to some of you, but I don't have any intention of recording them, so there!

Now that I've explained my absence, to the meat of this entry. Namely, that I had the day off(see, I made the title work in 2 ways! Aren't I smart?), and did ABSOLUTELY nothing, all day, except fight crime in Paragon City. Plus, those of you who know me will know that the last few days before payday are always a little tight here in Brianland, and since I get paid this Thurs., you can imagine the horn o' plenty from which I ate today. I actually didn't do a lot of that today, and thus, I'm combatting a bit of a headache, which is why this entry will pretty much end here, with that explanation.

It was an overall good day though.

G'night!