Well, I promised...

...so here goes.

Philosophical and weird, huh? What could I possibly go on about that might catch a modicum of someone's interest for longer than 5 seconds? Actually, I have an idea...

I have recently been having the problem that several people in my life, both friends and aquaintances/co-workers, have been approaching me with problems in their lives. Now, ordinarily I have no problem with this, since I've been told that I'm a great listener. But recently, I've been questioning the direction my life seems to be headed, and whether that's where I want to go, so I'm not exactly full of good cheer and helpful smiles. I've been putting on a brave face and trying to help as much as I can, but I can feel my mind caving in under the enormous amout of pressure I've put on myself. And I'm fully aware that all that pressure is self-imposed. Nobody expects me to solve their problems, or even necessarily give helpful advice, and I'm also aware that most people like to use me as a sounding board, because, again, I tend to listen without interrupting really well.

Now, while there are several things which currently bother me, the chief among them is this: For years, I thought that the "grown-ups" had it easy, that they had all the answers, and that they could do whatever they liked, and, of course, that pre-conception was shattered fairly quickly once I joined the "real world". But now I wonder about all those people I've thought had it all together, who've listened to all my bullshit, and never once told me what a complete asshole I was, or how petty and stupid my problems were. I wonder if they were going through all the same shit I am, and whether I received succor to the detriment of the giver. (I'm not sure that sentence is proper english, but I like the vocab, so I'm leaving it.) Because sometimes that's what it feels like. Like I'm giving everyone who asks a little piece of myself, until at the end of the day, when I can really sit down and take a look at my problems, I've got nothing left to give.

I do not want to become that person that you feel you can't talk to. I'm proud that even people I don't know that well, or haven't known for that long, feel like they can talk to me about the things that are bothering them. I think that's one of the few things that makes me a valuable, rather than simply contributing, member of society. But I don't know how long I can keep this up. I have a 4 day weekend, starting today, and I'm limiting the contact I have with others, I suppose for my own sanity, and through a sense of self preservation. Hopefully, this will give me the time I need to get my shit sorted out, and stowed away, or at least given a preliminary hearing in the court of my mind, so that perhaps I can tough through this rough patch without going completely wonky.

On the bright side, I'm finally getting started on the play I've been meaning to right for 2 years now, and hopefully, it'll show during the Fringe Festival this time next year. I'm hoping to write, star, produce, and maybe co-direct, although I don't know how comfortable I am with trying to direct myself. Also, my comic book is moving right along, and the owner of Happy Harbor Comics has expressed a smidgen (heh heh) of interest in perhaps publishing it. Soon, I should get to see the first 3 pages, and hopefully they will be glorious. Well, a man can dream, can't he? On that note, I bid you all a fond...

Adieu!

Ooops! That should be...

G'night!